


The Panda from Nowhere

by vanillascribble



Category: GOT7
Genre: Crack, Gen, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-08-03 03:31:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16318316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanillascribble/pseuds/vanillascribble
Summary: The fate of the planet was determined the day Bambam brought home a panda.





	The Panda from Nowhere

The fate of the planet was determined the day Bambam brought home a panda.

Bambam returned from Thailand one day at dawn, lugging his silver Elle luggage as if it weighed a tonne—which was not out of the ordinary, since his mum usually stuffed it to the brim with all the Thai snacks and condiments for his members to enjoy. But that particular day, Bambam huffed and puffed considerably more than usual, his heartbeat beating so loud he thought his eardrums would burst before he could make it to their front door. Praying for everyone to be sound asleep, he quickly keyed in the password and made a beeline for his room before anyone could stop to greet him.

Jinyoung was lying on the couch reading another self-help book, something about maintaining one’s serenity amidst chaos—and thought he heard a faint grumble, a weird squeak. He lowered the book and caught a glimpse of blond hair and skinny limbs in designer clothes as both boy and luggage rolled like a snowball down the dimmed hallway towards the maknaes’ room. He was about to say something about no running around in the house, but bit his tongue as his fingers skimmed across the line:

_Don’t let the chaos get to you. Take a long, deep breath and let it go…_

"Gyeom-ah! Wake up—you won’t believe what I found!"

Yugyeom tugged the blanket around his head and started whining about how sleep deprivation would affect his growth hormones. He didn’t want to wear insoles, like Bambam. The last remark earned him an earth-shattering body slam from the Thai. Bambam might looked skinny, but Yugyeom knows better that when Bambam hits, he never held back. So Yugyeom rolled his head back, preparing to launch a glass-shattering scream and put the fear of Jinyoung’s wrath into his roommate, but ended up with a muffled yelp as Bambam tackled him down and shoved a pillow into his face.

"Shut up,man! Do you plan on waking the whole household?"

“Umffffffff—get…umff…off me! Mmmmfff!”

Yugyeom's long limbs went flailing in the air, physically begging for mercy or oxygen (or both). All he could think about was how embarrassing it would be to die in such a way.

Name: Kim Yugyeom  
Special abilities: Dancing his soul away  
Favorite drink in the whole wide world: Anything chocolate  
Cause of death: Suffocation (goose feather pillow from IKEA)

_Goodbye, world. Farewell, stage lights and dancing shoes. Till we meet in heaven, oh chocolate milkshake goodness!_

He imagined the death dealer waiting for him at the end of a long tunnel, a chocolate milkshake stand beside him, manned by a clown with red painted lips. Funny enough, the clown looked a bit like Jinyoung, and for a moment Yugyeom stood there unmoving, before deciding that being suffocated by his best friend is much better than being stuck for an eternity with Park Jinyoung.

_Oh, take me back, please!_

 

Bambam rolled over just when Yugyeom was about to turn blue. He dragged the other’s heavier frame into a sitting position and pointed towards his luggage, which began to move on its own, budging inch by inch as if possessed. Yugyeom's expression turned dark—turned out Namyangju steel-punch maknae is not so fearless after all.

"Bam-ah! We must be haunted!” His eyes widened at the last word.

Unbelievable. Bambam began cursing in Thai and proceeded to unzip the luggage. A black and white ball tumbled out—wait, a black and white furball, complete with hands and feets.

Yugyeom blinked. He wiped at his eyes and blinked again. The black and white furball is still there, sitting on the floor. Except that now it has begun to grow ears, and eyes and a small button nose that scrunched up, as if smelling the air and Yugyeom’s confusion.

His brain registered the creature as none of the hyungs--unless his prayers were answered and God finally turned Jinyoung into a panda overnight, that is. Yugyeom has dreamt of that countless times; of Jinyoung morphing into a panda the size of his palm, and he carries Jinyoung the mini panda everywhere he goes, releasing a smelly fart fuelled with baked potatoes on purpose as he slipped the mini panda into the rear pocket of his jeans. But no, this seemed like a real-life, honest-to-goodness panda.

"Bam-ah, that's a panda." Yugyeom stated the obvious.

"Nope, its a baby panda—isn't he the cutest thing ever?"

"Why is there a panda sitting in our room?"

"Why is there a baby panda sitting in our room" Bambam corrected him.

Another blink. And one more, as the reality of his own words began to sink into his consciousness.

"Ohmygod!! Why is there a baby panda in our room?!!!"

"Be quiet, will you?! Do you want me to sock you again?'' Bambam raised a balled fist.

Yugyeom whispered the question again, staring in amazement as the black and white furball began to gnaw on its hind feet.

"I found him—or her. Who cares, but I found him, and we're keeping him, or her."

"What do you mean you found him? And how are we gonna keep him? Jaebum-hyung is gonna kill us for this!"

"We will keep him, and no hyung is gonna kill us BECAUSE no hyung will ever know about this." Bambam tickled the furball's stomach and the panda rolled over on its back, inviting more tickles.

Yugyeom wanted to reject the idea there and then—Noo-this is not right, there's no way we can keep a panda, no sir nooo--but then Bambam laughed along with the animal as he increased his tickle attacks and so Yugyeom's resolve quickly melted like a patbingsoo in summer. Besides, what’s the harm, right? It’s just a panda, after all. Not the Predator from Alien vs Predators.

 

The next few days, the hyungs groaned as the two youngest seemed to experience puberty all over again. The "Anyone above 21—KEEP OUT" sign is displayed on their door and they began to act all secretive again. Mark could no longer saunter in without notice and go through Bambam’s wardrobe in search of that limited-edition Supreme jacket (the one that Bambam borrowed for a photoshoot aeons ago but never returned) which he knew must be buried somewhere beneath the bundle of clothes. Jinyoung could no longer walk in on Yugyeom when he is sleeping and pour cold water into his ears and make his life miserable. Even Jackson was banned from their room, which is totally unheard of, since the two youngest adored Jackson as he always showered them with random gifts from time to time. As for Youngjae, he just didn't care—it didn’t really matter what those two are up to as he was on cloud nine these days (after repeatedly beating Jaebum at League of Legends).

Since then, weird noises can be heard from their room at random hours. Things go bump into the night and Jinyoung swore he heard something crash to the floor once or twice. And Bambam giggling endlessly before being hushed up by Yugyeom. When asked, the two remained tight-lipped about whatever shehanigans that were taking place in their room. Until one day, Jinyoung convinced Jaebum that the maknaes have to be kept in line.

"Gyeom-ah, open up." Jaebum rattled the doorknob, knowing for sure it was locked.

Silence. Something rustled, like a plastic bottle being scrunched up.

"I'm going to count to five—you better open the door." He threatened.

"What? We're busy," Bambam shouted.

"Busy doing what?"

"None of your business, Im Jaebuuuum!"

And that was when Jaebum roared, slamming himself against the door, attempting to break it down. He might have dislocated his shoulder had Jinyoung not appeared with the spare key.

"Took you long enough to find the damn key." The leader muttered in embarrassment.

"A wise man uses his brain instead of brawn." Jinyoung replied with a smirk, thumping the key against Jaebum’s forehead before proceeding to open the door.

Smartass—Jaebum thought, as Jinyoung victoriously shoved the door to reveal the two youngest members lying on the floor; Bambam leaning against a panda stuffed toy and Yugyeom absorbed in a manga, the cover upside down. Nothing was out of the ordinary, except that the room smelled a bit. Like rotten food and wet socks, and a little bit like dog poop, which was out of character since Bambam is a total neat freak. The room usually smell of frangipani or jasmine candles, like the one he often purchased from that souvenir shop at Suvarnhabhumi before they boarded the flight back to Seoul. Jaebum observed the two again, noticed the uneasy looks exchanged between the two younger guys and instantly he knew they must be hiding something—but what? He scanned the room again. Nope, everything looked pretty much the same…except that the panda was too real that it's almost creepy. It looked like it might move or squint its eye any given second, he thought.

And then it did move. The stuffed animal seemed to grunt under Bambam's body weight--if a stuffed animal could grunt, that is.

 

As for Jinyoung, he would have thought that he was seeing things, if not for the expressions on both the youngest members’ face that he knew so well. It was the same expression that Bambam had when he accidentally stepped into a puddle while wearing Jinyoung's brand new white sneakers. The same expression that Yugyeom had when he finished the last morsel of prawn dumplings that Jinyoung was saving to eat after shower.

"What's that?" Jinyoung pointed at the stuffed-toy-that-there's-no-way-in-the-world-its-a-stuffed-toy.

"Nothing." Bambam shrugged.

"Kunpimook Bhuwakul! What is that thing that is moving on its own and is currently gnawing at your shirt sleeve?"

"It's a stuffed toy--I..I got it from the fan meet in Bangkok last time."

Jinyoung thinned his eyes upon hearing the brazen answer.

"It's like an AI, you know. It can move on its own and it even makes this noise...and.."

"And I guess it even eats on its own, huh?" Jinyoung asked, as the thing clambered into Bambam's lap and began gnawing at the thai fish jerky that he was holding. Bambam bit his own tongue, eyes darting in panic towards his partner-in-crime for help.

Yugyeom responded almost immediately. "Omg! Hyung, you're delusional! We should --ah! get you to bed now--must be tired from all that late-night filming." He proceeded to physically remove Jinyoung from the room, trying to drag the older guy towards the door.

But Jinyoung kneed the younger guy in the gut, and watched as the so-called-stuffed-toy-that-is-not-a-toy seemed to shrivel as Yugyeom howled in pain and screamed murder against him.

"I know what I saw—and don't you dare—" he pointed his finger at the panda, but Yugyeom was like a Russian doll, springing back to life in front of his very eyes, hiding Bambam and the creature from view.

Jinyoung figured that the best way to prevent a Russian doll from springing back to life is to chop its lower body off, and since killing Yugyeom would mean getting his hands dirty, he opted for the alternative and stepped hard on Yugyeom's toes instead.

Yugyeom screamed like a loudspeaker—something about privacy violation and human rights etc etc. Something about a possessed Jinyoung and evil reincarnation. But still, he tried to block Jinyoung from stepping over him and continued to shield his best friend.

"Hyung, I could use some help here." Exasperated, Jinyoung turned to Jaebum for reinforcement, but the leader was no longer standing behind him.

He pulled hard at Yugyeom's hair and shoved the youngest out of the way. Sure enough, there was Jaebum, crouching on the floor beside Bambam and tickling the animal's tummy. A huge grin graced the leader's face and Jinyoung swallowed a curse word. Of course, Jaebum who thinks he can save every stray cat he comes across on the streets. Jaebum who believes that dolphins are angels of the water world. Jaebum who misses Nora for days on end after he had to send her away and sometimes cursed Youngjae's allergy in his sleep. Jaebum who has random pictures of cute cats as his screensaver. Jaebum who could sit for hours watching Nat Geo Wild while the maknaes were running around the household creating more chaos and driving Jinyoung up the wall with frustration. Jaebum who loves all things lost and furry and cuddly—of course Jaebum would agree to it.

“Hyung.” Jinyoung put on his best ‘come on, we’re supposed to be the sane ones’ face.

"We can..uh, keep it until someone claims it, I guess." The leader replied, trying not to shrivel under Jinyoung's laser gaze.

"Hyung, you can't be serious! How are we going to hide a bear—".

“Panda.” Yugyeom piped in.

“How the hell are we going to hide a panda?” Jinyoung tried to wade his way through the fog hovering over Jaebum's head.

"It's too cute, Jinyoung-ah. How could I say no?" The leader flashed his megawatt smile that reminded Jinyoung of childhood innocence and Jaebum's fascination for unicorns and strawberry milk. Jinyoung swallowed his next words—How could I say no?

Behind him, Youngjae started howling, realising that there is a real-life panda in the room followed by scaredy-cat Jackson who would scream at a fly on the wall, a lizard running across the bathroom floor, a random moth flying in their living room, whatmore a panda.

“What the heck! I was trying to sleep, you guys!” Mark emerged from nowhere, pushed through the bodies gathered around the ‘crime scene’ to get a better look at the cause of the ruckus.  
A low whistle escaped his lips as his eyes settled on the prime suspect.

“A panda, huh? Cool.” The eldest stated. That pretty much settled it—the panda is there to stay.

From the corner of his eyes, Jinyoung could see the two maknaes high-fiving each other and performing their victory dance, hands in the air and whooping with glee.

Jinyoung believed he is the only sane person in the household, sans a few strands of Yugyeom's hair in his fist, of course. Hell, at the rate that Jaebum was cooing over the creature, they might as well quit JYP, migrate to Australia and open an exotic zoo, give the Irwins a run for their money.

Jinyoung hated losing an argument. So much.

 

Two days have passed since the discovery, and still the panda remained nameless. Youngjae thinks they should name it "Hey Mario", to which the two maknaes repeatedly said no to. Bambam wanted to call it "Dam Kaao", since it is black and white, and plus he was the one who found it. Yugyeom insisted on Brownie Jr. because he was the one scooping up panda poop every morning, and Jaebum thought it would be fun to call the panda "KoKki Ri" while Mark and Jackson kept arguing whether the panda should have a Western or Chinese name.

Jinyoung shook his head in exasperation. It has been thirty minutes since they all gathered in the living room drawing up lots and arguing over the name. To be honest, he thinks Hey Mario is damn ridiculous, Dam Kaao is so obvious, Brownie Jr. is a total NO simply because it was Yugyeom’s idea and Kokkiri might confuse the poor thing who might just believe it is an elephant instead of a panda, if Jaebum is allowed to have his way.

 

Meanwhile, amidst the verbal war that was going on over it, the nameless panda began climbing upon the sofa and gnawing at its edges.

That’s when Jinyoung groaned and hollered from where he was seated. "Bok-sung-ah!!! Get down right this moment!"

The panda froze. Bambam's jaw dropped to the floor. Youngjae began slapping Jackson's back as he roared his head back in laughter, shouting Bok-Sungie over and over.

 

"Look, there has to be some rules if we were to keep Bok-Sung. One week—that's it. We have to find out where he comes from, and if someone is looking for it."

"It's Brownie Jr.!!!" Yugyeom whined, feet stomping the ground at the unfairness of it all.

"Poop master, shut up."

"Jaebum-hyung, this is unfair! You have no idea how bad his poop smelled like! How come Jinyoung-hyung always get to make the decisions—and…and the panda is a boy!"

"It's a female panda, you ignorant punk. That's why I told you to keep quiet and focus when watching Nat Geo. And I get to make all the decisions because I’m wiser than everyone here."Jinyoung replied.

Yugyeom gaped at him, trying to come back with something equally snarky but failing miserably to do so. He stomped his feet in frustration and rolled his head towards Jaebum, hoping for support.

"Erm..Bok-Sung sounds nice..I guess..erm—" Jaebum muttered, hand rubbing at his nape and avoiding everyone's stares as Jinyoung shot him daggers from where he was standing.

 

And so Bok-Sung became the unofficial member of the GOT household. Yugyeom was appointed Poop Master, simply because no one else volunteered to be on job rotation with him. As cute as Bok-Sung is, its poop still smell like...well, bear poop. Bambam was in charge of feeding time, and often he would drag Yugyeom along to help search for food that he thought Bok Sung would like.

Jackson was in charge of research—which means gathering as much information as he could on panda care and domesticating a panda.

Youngjae was in charge of scrounging through the web looking for any news of a missing panda, or for any flyer of the like.

Mark and Jaebum was in charge of discipline and well, bathing her. Though Mark complained that the leader spoiled Bok-Sung like how he spoiled all things furry and cute (and Jinyoung, no doubt), which in turn foiled Mark's attempt at disciplining Bok-Sung.

Whereas Jinyoung was in charge of everyone; humans and panda included. Because someone has to supervise GOT6 and their panda day-care centre; otherwise Bambam would probably continue feeding Bok Sung cotton candy simply because it seemed to like it, and Jackson would stray and get distracted by some random video on Youtube instead of doing research on panda care. JB and Mark would argue until the end of the earth about the best ways to raise Bok-Sung. Sometimes Jinyoung imagined himself slamming their foreheads together just to make them see there was no point of arguing over unconventional parenting when they happened to have an unconventional animal as a pet. And don’t even let Jinyoung start on how often Yugyeom would forget to scoop up panda poop before they left the apartment. Hours later, the unbearable stench would permeate the entire household like ground coffee beans in an upscale café when they returned home.

A few unsavoury incidents occurred while the panda was under their care, but none too serious to warrant an emergency call to the Wildlife Protection. There was that one time when Bok Sung managed to unlatch the sliding door at dawn, though. No one else noticed until Youngjae passed by on his way to the kitchen and wondered who left the door opened. He proceeded to shut the door and that was when he screamed; Bok Sung lay suspended on the other side of their 18th floor balcony, its short stubby arms gripping at the steel and looking alarmed upon being discovered. Soon, the GOT rescue team arrived at the scene and while Jinyoung and Yugyeom supported Leader Im by wrapping their arms around his waist and steadying him on each side, Jackson anchored his feet around Jaebum’s wide shoulders and lowered himself to the other side of the ledge, all the while muttering in Cantonese and grabbing wildly at Bok-Sung.

“He swear he’s gonna come back to haunt us all if he dies.” Mark translated from the side, munching on a banana and calculating how much profit they might make if one day they decide to quit K-Pop and join a traveling circus.

Soon, Bok-Sung was safely delivered to Bambam’s waiting arms and the sliding door locked tight. As Bambam swathed Bok-Sung with a towel and began to warm her up, Mark grabbed his Ipad and typed “amazing tricks to teach a panda” in the search box.

 

Thus, panda and humans learned to co-exist, until one day, Bok-Sung disappeared.

 

Bambam went through everyone's luggages as if possessed; spilling the contents upon the floor making a mess in the living room and checking behind closets and underneath the beds.

Jaebum knocked on their neighbours’ door, casually asking if the residents happened to come across a dog that funny enough, looked like a panda.

Youngjae took Coco out for longer walks, going out of his usual route and urging the dog to sniff the air for any trace of Bok-sung.

Yugyeom seemed nonchalant about it, but when he thought no one was around, he would crouch beside the litter box, swearing he would never complain about how smelly her poop was if Bok-Sung returned and well...just poop again.

Jackson googled the net for How To Find A Lost Panda and ended up following some weird links that had nothing to do with lost pandas at all.

Mark threw a baseball (the one that Bok-Sung liked to gnaw like crazy) against the wall, eyes staring into the distance and thoughts unfathomable.

Even Jinyoung had to admit that he missed the creature's presence; furniture destroyed and an apartment that smelled like wet socks and all.

However, despite all their time and efforts, Bok-Sung was nowhere to be found. As sudden as its appearance, the panda simply vanished from their life two weeks later.

 

**

 

Observation Report

Completed by: Agent disguised as Species 237 (Black and White Fur)

Specimen Observed: Species 21 of Planet X (Subject A, B, C, D, E, F and G)

Observation Period: 336 hours (Planet X’s approximate timeline)

Coordinate: 37.5665° N, 126.9780° E of Planet X (Seoul)

 

Subject A: Appears to be the eldest member of the species observed. Prefers self-isolation, possibly due to the repetitive audio and visual stimuli caused by the younger members of the species. Resembles species 73 from Planet X; the cucumber. Subject spends his free time sleeping and is always glued to the technical devices available on Planet X. Subject often resort to speaking in what appeared to be his mother tongue when upset or angry. Consumes Species 85 (yellow-skin fruit) the most.

Subject B: The most difficult subject to observe. Highly intelligent, skilfully manipulative. Appears to have a weakness for Subject C. Seems to be the one in charge of running things. Most likely to run for the post of a higher official, could possibly run Planet X himself. Crave for power and influence, highly aware of his capabilities over others. Bullies Subject G on a frequent basis. Often ignores Subject D for self-pleasure.

Subject C: Highly intuitive subject. Appears to have eyes at the back of his head. Possesses extraordinary knowledge about all subjects in the household, except for Subject B’s feelings towards him. Is obsessed with Species 33 of Planet X (feline family). Carries around titbits for Species 33 in his pockets and unafraid of pain inflicted by Species 33. Able to perform outstanding physical abilities (dancing with his head upside down and spinning himself like a spaceship caught in a polar storm).

Subject D: The most to succeed in the social sphere among all subjects observed. Has a complex about his height and thighs. An accomplished athlete and displays the naked torso frequently. Upon close observation, Subject D seems to harbour lingering emotional frustration towards others when treated unfairly. Follows Subject C around like a magnet, seems desperate for the aforementioned subject’s attention. Posesses highly skilful language skills (five languages as utilised on Planet X during time of observation).

Subject E: The loudest subject observed. Run into things (etc door, walls, other species the most). Seems unable to function at a normal decibel. Is unperturbed at most times, but easily scared by loud audio stimuli. Possesses high observational skills (80% possibility of being recruited as a spy for Species 21, but would sabotage his own mission with his extraordinarily-high decibel). Possesses a highly positive magnetic field, could disarm Subject 21’s enemies easily with a smile.

Subject F: Another foreign subject found in the same coordinate. Spends the longest time in front of the mirror. His prized possession appeared to be the gold-coloured band adorning his left wrist (Note: to research further the function of the said device). Most bullied subject in the household, mostly due to his good-nature. Has soft spots for species 237 and similar species of Planet X. Possesses high confidence over his skills and intellect, and not afraid to reveal it to others.

Subject G: The tallest of all the subjects observed. Addicted to chocolate shakes and must consume huge quantity of food in order to remain cheerful. Light on his feet. Would break into sudden movement without any warning whenever he feels good. (Suspected to be insane?). Looks out for Subject F the most, although is highly mischievous whenever in close contact with Subject F.

Analysis: Mostly species 21 appears to be stable. Brain mass not fully developed? Appears to converse in a babble with each other, highly unorganised if not for the instructions provided by Subject B. The younger members of the species seemed to be struggling with some sort of mental disorder—said subjects would often dance naked around the living quarters and shout incomprehensible sentences towards each other.  
All subjects observed also have high tendency to spank each other’s bottoms as a means of stress-reliever, which might translate into violent behaviours if placed under highly stressful planet invasion.

Comments/Recommendations: Invasion of Planet X to be postponed or aborted. To plan and target another planet that provides a more compatible environment for complete domination. If the remaining Species 21 share the same traits as the seven subjects observed, then it might pose a risk to the invasion planned to be conducted in the near future.

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to write a GOT7 panda fic. Not sure how it turned out this way, though. Writtten as a belated birthday present for a friend who has been urging me to finish this fic anyway, despite my writer's block and various insecurities.


End file.
